Vanilla has never appealed to me! I could never associate with the good, the bright and the angel with a ring over his head. On the contrary, the Dark Side has always attracted me, with its temptations, its pleasures and the overall feeling of being the different one.
I have always wondered why! And after much contemplation, I have figured out a reason. It is the hidden extrovert in my almost introvert image that longs to break free. At every opportunity, it seeks to guide me into troubles. And through troubles into everyone’s reckoning.
People say it is weird to feel this sort of an inferior attitude. Well, I dont consider this inferior and I dont consider this a sin. I feel this explains every decision of my life. To play with fire. To mix with the outcast. To drink, to smoke. To go wild when the opportunity presents itself.
I remember my school days, when I first started flirting with mischief. I was not supposed to go anywhere near creating the ruckus I did. I wasnt supposed to annoy teachers. And my life could have set the example of a picture perfect ideal student. Except for the fact that I was a rebel. A weirdly quiet one. And obeying authority was my greatest pain.
Flash forward a decade, and nothing much has changed. I could have tried to be the nerdy one. Didn’t appeal to me. I could have tried to be the proactive one. Too many people do it. What did I end up doing? Nothing! Many people do that too. Did I turn into an introvert and tried being away from the world’s glare? Well , pretty much. Except for the fact that I broke free whenever the opportunity presented itself.
And today, I stand facing the same question. For how long will I be able to flirt with danger before getting consumed by it? I do not know. I am consciously ignorant of this answer. Conscious- because I know as long I have my basic morality right, I will stay away from big trouble.
Do I regret any of this? Do I long to be the good natured, kind, mellow, dedicated person that I could have been? The answer is an emphatic No! I just do not see enough successful people being the adjectives above. When did meek guys ever get laid? A pity fuck is not what I ever aim for.( Lets not take the word literally here). And over the years, I have made it my life’s aim to be an irresistible yet a bad influence! How far I achieve this aim will determine how successful I am in my life.