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Lure of the Dark Side!

 

Vanilla has never appealed to me! I could never associate with the good, the bright and the angel with a ring over his head. On the contrary, the Dark Side has always attracted me, with its temptations, its pleasures and the overall feeling of being the different one.

I have always wondered why! And after much contemplation, I have figured out a reason. It is the hidden extrovert in my almost introvert image that longs to break free. At every opportunity, it seeks to guide me into troubles. And through troubles into everyone’s reckoning.

People say it is weird to feel this sort of an inferior attitude. Well, I dont consider this inferior and I dont consider this a sin. I feel this explains every decision of my life. To play with fire. To mix with the outcast. To drink, to smoke. To go wild when the opportunity presents itself.

I remember my school days, when I first started flirting with mischief. I was not supposed to go anywhere near creating the ruckus I did. I wasnt supposed to annoy teachers. And my life could have set the example of a picture perfect ideal student. Except for the fact that I was a rebel. A weirdly quiet one. And obeying authority was my greatest pain.

Flash forward a decade, and nothing much has changed. I could have tried to be the nerdy one. Didn’t appeal to me. I could have tried to be the proactive one. Too many people do it. What did I end up doing? Nothing! Many people do that too. Did I turn into an introvert and tried being away from the world’s glare? Well , pretty much. Except for the fact that I broke free whenever the opportunity presented itself.

And today, I stand facing the same question. For how long will I be able to flirt with danger before getting consumed by it? I do not know. I am consciously ignorant of this answer. Conscious- because I know as long I have my basic morality right, I will stay away from big trouble.

Do I regret any of this? Do I long to be the good natured, kind, mellow, dedicated person that I could have been?  The answer is an emphatic No! I just do not see enough successful people being the adjectives above. When did meek guys ever get laid? A pity fuck is not what I ever aim for.( Lets not take the word literally here). And over the years, I have made it my life’s aim to be an irresistible yet a bad influence! How far I achieve this aim will determine how successful I am in my life.

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Where there’s smoke…

Not so long ago, I was a devout non and anti smoker. “Smoking will kill you!” I remember fearlessly advocating to a bunch of smoke-devotees, a couple of years ago. And yet, here I am, thoughtlessly taking in a puff after the other, finishing a pack after another.

What happened there? Well, my perspective changed. Circumstances helped.

When you are at the border of the carelessness of University and the threshold of a competitive,unforgiving and ruthless Adulthood, an uncertain future can truly overwhelm your character. The recurring thought of where your next penny shall come from can be draining on your mental strength. And with a grade-sheet replete with blunders forever reminding you that your academic career had peaked long ago leaves a sting that poisons your confidence.

And when you are fighting heavy odds, I speak from my experience, a puff lets you focus. At first, its the smoke and later the nicotine that blinds the less important matters and lets you concentrate on issues that are truly life threatening. Maybe its the Biology- a desperate act of a brain devoid of Oxygen switching to survival mode. May be its ‘the myth’. May be its just something else. Point is, it helps! And it has helped me through the trying times of job search.

I do not know if I am an addict yet. I can go without it for days at times. But I miss it nevertheless.

Who would have thought that situation can change a man so much that he longs for the very thing he despised? But then, I know my life is full of changes. Sharp turns, hair pin bends and in this case, a U-turn. Change, after all Is My Life.

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So Why Do We Disappear?

Pause a moment to behold the pace of the world we live in. The flurry of IM and Social Networking sites have ensured that we are never void of information and remain updated of the whereabouts of all our friends at all times.

From the other perspective, we are always on the radar. Our every event, every happening, every emotion , every state is shared, at all times. We cant help it; we are the victims and the propagators of this epidemic.

And then comes a time, a situation that makes us long for the bliss of solitude. Either from the world or from specific persons. A love for privacy. Away from the eys and ears of this ever intrusive environment.

And hence, we disappear. Off the radar. To recuperate. To nurse our wounds – our fragile state. And for as long as possible, away from the world’s glare.

We all have done it. Haven’t We? Only to be back again.

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What Happened to my Love for Print?

Not many years ago, I was this print crazy fanatic. Anything and everything that  I came across in print would be devoured within the shortest possible time. I remember renting books at the shabby bookstores in the Godforsaken place called Kota and reading continuously, so that I could finish within a day and not pay the additional rent. At first, it was the rent, the paltry Rs. 40 a day that forced me into this habit. Later, it was the ecstasy of flipping through 500 odd pages a day, with breakneck speed and yet ensuring not a single word was missed, prodded me to  carry on. Scores of Sydney Sheldons, The Lord of the Rings, many a Potters, couple of Rushdies, a recap of the God of Small Things, the three Dan Browns published till then and  many more. All were consumed with that passionate voracity.

And Newspapers? And Magazines? Boy, did I love them! Every edition of India Today. Every article of TOI. The occasional glitterati-gossip of  Times City. In the desolate and lifeless years of Kota, print was my one and only source of entertainment.

Fast forward four years, and Ican add a total of 6-8 books to that list!  8 books in 4 years! Sometimes I am amazed by what  I have become and the ludicrousness of my actions. And if I wonder what went wrong with my cores, I am sure my lack of zeal in print can be attrubited as the primary reason. Reason or Symptom ?  I am unsure about the absolute correctness of either.

But I believe, the solution is one. Going back to the Old Ways. NTU Library actually has a huge collection of decent authors. And I guess it is time to switch off the TV Shows and switch on the bed lamp. And get immered in the ficto-fantasy world of the black and white print.

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The ISS Letter

The site www.science-symposium.com will be taken down soon, and I wanted to keep this letter. Not a great piece of work, but like evrything in this blog, my own work.****

Dear Participants,  Judges and Sponsors,

It gives me great pleasure to welcome you to the A*STAR NTU IEEE ScienceSymposium (ISS) 2010 being organised by the NTU IEEE Students’ Chapter in collaboration with A*STAR.

The IEEE Science Symposium is a nation-wide science competition with participation from all tertiary institutions namely Polytechnics and Junior Colleges throughout Singapore. It serves as an encouraging platform for enthusiastic scientific minds to bring forth their ideas through science projects while competing against the best among their peers. ISS has received a tremendous response from Junior Colleges in the first four years of its inception. The event provides a one-of-its kind exposure with the highly qualified faculty of NTU and other eminent guests from the world of technology, judging the science projects. In ISS 2010, I especially welcome the first time participants from Polytechnics and look forward to seeing some amazing and ground breaking research papers from them. 

At ISS, every year we strive to break the highest standards set by the contestants from the previous year and hence, have maintained an excellent quality of research papers that make it to the Grand Finals. With a tremendous increase in the number of participants this year, I look forward to some intense competition in both the Polytechnics and JC sections, and am confident that the judges at the finals will be enthralled by the inventions and research by our participants
.

Please use this website as a single point of reference for all information related to the competition. You are encouraged to join the forums on the group’s Facebook page and join in the discussion related to the event. You may also wish to contact any of the organizing committee members provided in the Contact Us section of the website, regarding any queries related to the event.

Looking forward to your participation.

Let’s Re-Invent Science!

Best Regards,
Rohit Ashwini Kumar,
President, A*STAR ISS 2010.

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The Future That I cannot See!

It is december. I have two jobs, both decent, yet there is a sense of uncertainity looming over my future. Interest is clashing with priorities; Passion is clashing with rationality. At this momentous hour of my life, I remain confused, divided. Unable to steer clear of many paths that depict my Future.
Where shall I go? There is my core, which I am good at. There is finance where I want to be good at. And there is strategic intelligence and geo-politics which seduces my intellect every passing hour.

They say the more a person learns, the better it is for his development. I agree, but alas, time and age dont permit me to engage in everything.

If only the day had more than 24 hours, if only the year had more than 365 days.. if only I had more than 1 copy of myself.

Its a dark uncertain future. And I ll take the leap nevertheless. I have to. I am a man bound by time and circumstances, afterall.

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All I can Do

If there is one line to describe my current state, it is this:

‘All I can do, is Think about You’

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